January 1st, 2000
Excuse The Mess Its Only My Life

First things first, Happy New Year! I brought in the new year with my neighbors. We had a street party and I had to much to drink, so this morning I was slightly hungover. Luckily I am able to remember the highlights of the party, like the guys shooting firecrackers off at each other, the dentist's wife's hair caught on fire, and one of the neighbors husband had a sex dream about me. I hope this party was not an indication of what the next year will bring.

I am also glad to report that the Y2K bug didn't bite in my area of the country and that we are all going on with our lives. I did follow the Red Cross Y2K Preparedness List because I'd rather be safe than sorry. The supplies should come in handy however during hurricane season. I have to admit however that if the bug would have bit it I would have been a little excited. I'm like one of those people who throws a party when a hurricane is coming a shore.

Just Another Face In The Crowd

I'm not sure if I am going to regret writing about this later or not but here goes nothing. I mentioned in the beginning of my post that one of the neighboring husbands had a sex dream about me. After the clock struck midnight we all sat in the dentists garage talking and drinking. Our little click of four couples was sitting around laughing and cutting up when the topic of conversation turned to sex. John, who is always known for teasing and being a clown, was trying to push Mrs. Cool's bottons when she suddenly shouts out "Well, John you are the one who has been having dreams about fucking all the wives on the street!" we were all laughing and he was played off saying he didn't know what she was talking about and then she surprised me with this. "You know you did John, you even said Kim was the best!"Mrs. Cool announces.

John turned a deep shade of red and got up and left! Everyone was laughing, even his wife, but me. The dentist's wife then started saying "why was Kim the best?" and John wouldn't say a thing. Jeff was just kind of sitting there, I don't think he was even phased. I felt very uncomfortable, and the reason I did is because of my weight. You are probably wondering what that has to do with anything but I could tell that the dentist's wife was wondering why John was having erotic sex dreams about me, and good ones at that, because I am overweight. I'm sure all of you are aware when someone says something, and even though they don't come out and say exactly what they mean you can tell by the expression on their face and how they act. It wasn't long after that the party was over.

John and I have become pretty good friends over the last few months. He is fourteen days older than I am, his wife is at school allot like Jeff is, we sneak cigarettes together and we have similar interests. I've always found him attractive and if I was going to fantasize about any man on the street besides my husband it would be John. He isn't the best looking man on the street, but he has a very attractive personality and he has great energy. In fact, most of the couples on the street say that John and I are a lot a like and that Jeff and his wife, Rebecca, are a lot a like. I'm just hoping that this revelation doesn't cause any problems on the street or between our friendship.

Baby Dancing

I was reading Rob's entry today and even though I could not relate to having an only child, I did understand what he was saying. Jeff and I have had similar discussions, and Jeff like Rob is perfectly happy with the one child we have, and if we never have another child it will not bother him in the least. You are probably wondering why we are trying and have been trying for the past year to have another baby after making a statement like that.

When Jeff and I met seven years ago, we talked a great deal about what we wanted in life. I wanted a family, a husband, and the time to pursue my interests. He wanted to pursue a career, play his trombone, and have a wife. He didn't say that he didn't want children but that he could be happy with or without them. Basically Jeff wanted children because I wanted children. I was very honest about what I wanted before he asked me to marry him, I was very clear that I would not work as long as I had a young child at home and that I wanted a large family, five children to be exact. For someone who did not care if he had children one way or the other didn't seem a bit phased at my desire to have such a large family.

When we got married I quit taking birthcontrol pills and started learning natural family planning, not to prevent pregnancy but to know more about my cycles. It wasn't long before I started harping on him about having a baby. Three years later Elizabeth was conceived. Jeff was thrilled but also nervous about becoming a father, but from the moment that child was born he has been in love and has been the best father I have ever known. Words can not describe the type of relationship they have and the love he feels for her.

After she was weaned, I brought up the fact that I wanted to start trying for another child. He didn't say no, but he didn't exactly say yes either. Jeff did express that he was happy with the one child we had, that he thought that was enough, and that he knew we could give her all the love and attention she needed. He expressed that he didn't know if we could love another child like we love Elizabeth or if we could even handle another child emotionally, physically, or financially.

There wasn't any arguments over how many more children we would have, or about even trying for another one.I know that is partly because he wants to see me happy and he knows that I want more children. He also knows how important it is for me to create my own family and give Elizabeth siblings. I loved my brother, and we were very close. Even now its hard to imagine he is gone and that I will never see or talk to him again. I want Elizabeth to have that same bond and connection. I understand why Jeff is ambivalent about having more children, he fears becoming like his own father and not being able to be the kind of father he is now to Elizabeth to another child. Those are very real concerns for him, and something I do not take lightly.

The other night Jeff and I were laying in bed with Elizabeth between us and he whispered "I think its time for us to have another one." After trying for over a year, I am glad to hear him say those words like he really means them, instead of just for me.

Random Ramblings About My Life

I wrote this entry after drinking four glasses of champagne.

I spent $200 today on various decorating items for the house.

Today Mrs. Cool told me that she spends $140 dollars a month on formula.

The new neighbors that moved in are very strange. There house is decorated like they are living in the 70's, he has a an arsenal of weapons, and the husband is in to Star Trek and Star Wars a little more than the average fan.


New Year Resolutions

1. Have a baby

2. Decorate this house

3. Learn to crochet

4. Learn to play golf

5. Lose weight (yeah right)

6. Exercise more

7. Improve any imperfections as a wife and mother

8. Be more tolerant of others

9. Pay off library fines

10. Plan and take a vacation with just Jeff.


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