| I've had
better mornings. I was abruptly
awaken at 6:45am by Jeff to let me know that one of the pumpkins exploded on the breakfast
table and all over the kitchen floor. He incessantly bitched as I laid in bed and took my
temperature. As I was taking the thermometer out of mine I heard him exclaim "oh
shit" followed by a hearty "god damn" in the bathroom. Thunder had not shit
once but three times in our closet and Jeff had stepped in it. He already hates that
cat and now he really does. I crawled out of bed, still in my birthday suit and cleaned up
the shit in the closet, then I moved onto the bigger things, the pumpkin guts in the
kitchen. As I sit and write this I can smell a poop diaper to be changed. What a lovely
morning it has been.
************
Right now things are not
going so well with me personally. On the outside my life seems wonderful, I have
everything I could have hoped for: a new house, a great husband, a wonderful daughter,
very little debt, and great friends, but I'm feeling dissatisfied with myself and with my
life. Right now my marriage is in a funk, there is no romance, very little sex and not
enough good conversation. I find myself struggling to communicate with him. Some evenings
I feel like not even being in the same room with him. The last few months have really done
a number on us, and I'm hoping we can recover. I'm feeling enormously fat, even though I
haven't gained any weight. I'm the biggest girl on the street and its made me very self
conscious of the way I look. Even walking and eating better has no effect on my weight and
Mrs. Cool suggested I take Metabolife. I don't even know what the shit is but there are
six people on the street taking it right now. Not getting pregnant is taking its toll on
me too. I just found out that there is another pregnant couple moving in on the street.
Mrs. Cool and Kathy keep telling me that it is going to happen "soon". They
really have no clue what it means "to try and get pregnant." My writing is
becoming increasingly important to me too. I'm not satisfied with it, and often feel its
not good enough. I'm not just talking about here in the journal but in other areas. I want
to be able to express myself more clearly and write in a way that would attract more
readers. Finding the time is often my problem, but being focused without outside
influences would also help.
I recently came up with
a great idea for an internet based business but have no idea on how to implement it or get
it going. I really would like to own a business that would be internet based and this is
one of the best ideas I've had so far. Yesterday I spent some time searching the net to
see if my idea had been implemented yet and it hadn't. Too bad I don't have a marketing
degree with e-commerce experience.
There are so many things
I want to do to the house and do in the decorating department. This week I'm going to
start on the kitchen. I'm going to go out and buy the paint and hang up the pictures I
bought several weeks ago and this weekend I am going to go to JoAnn's and Hancocks to look
at fabrics to recover the chairs and do valances. I really would like the kitchen
completed by Christmas time. There is also a wine cabinet I want to get at the Silk Tree
Factory to put in the corner of the breakfast room. If Ed spends $100 each on us this
Christmas I am going to take the $200 for Jeff and I and buy it. I've also decided to make
a list of the things I picked out at Target the other day and use that as my Christmas
list to my family. So much to do, so little money.
****************
The Disney trip is right
around the corner. I'm trying to figure out how much money we should actually take and how
much we are willing to put on the credit card. I really do not want to spend more than
$500 total. I'm not sure how much available cash we will have, I know it will not be
allot, and I'm guessing that money is going to be going towards food. I've decided to make
some snacks myself because we really do not have the money to buy the processed,
prepackaged foods. I was thinking of going and buying some new shoes, and I might, and
some clothes for the trip but have decided to hold off.
Planing for this trip is
a production in and of itself. We have gotten the tickets for all the parks and now we are
thinking of doing a character breakfast. If its expensive and my dad is not going to pay
for it then Jeff and I may not go. Elizabeth is actually a little young to remember any of
it anyway, and I'd rather spend the money somewhere else. There is a Christmas shop and
Winnie the Pooh store that I really want to go to. I want to buy ornaments for each of us
and one to celebrate moving into our new house. I'm also going to try and finish up some
Christmas shopping while I am there.
**********
I've been setting goals
at the beginning of each month for Under The Moon. Last month it was to have over twenty
entries, twenty members to the notify list, and to get into three webrings. Well, I did
write twenty entries, and I have nineteen members on the notify list. If you haven't
joined the notify list, please do so. It will make me very happy. I did get into one
webring, Journeys, got denied by another one, and the other two I never even heard back
from. This month my focus is on burbs, updating regularly, and increasing my readership.
************
Noon
Well, for the last three
hours I have had no phone. The phone is my life line to the outside world, not only is it
a means for me to communicate with adults but also my connection to the cyber world. It
cut out right as I was visiting the Mobile Public Library online. I was going to see if
they had some books I am interested reading and go ahead and reserve them so when I get
there I wouldn;t have to wander all over the library with a toddler in tow. Having the
library catalog online is a lifesaver because Elizabeth just doesn't do well in places
like the library. While I was there though I was going to look into getting her, her own
library card and get the schedule for Story Book Time.
While the telephone has
been out I was paying bills, cleaning up pumpkin guts, spraying carpet cleaner on cat shit
stains, and trying to figure out how in the hell I set up this video cam. I've had it for
four months now and I think its about time I set it up and figure out how it works. I'm
not sure if I am ready to use it in connection to my journal since I don't always look so
great, and I often sit here barely dressed. I like being able to sit here in my underwear,
with my hair all pulled up and nasty looking, eating and drinking whatever I feel like.
Also, I'm afraid some first morning shots of what I look like may scares some readers
away.
************
Candy and toddlerhood do
not mix. Read that sentence again. We rarely give Elizabeth candy. One of the reasons we
choose to do this is because its not good for her and secondly I don;t want he to become a
sugar addict. Well, now we have a bucket full of candy and she is completely fascinated.
She carries the bucket all around the house, often dumping the candy out onto the floor
and inspecting it and dropping it back in. She occasionally ask one of us to unwrap her a
piece of candy for her to munch on. She is hooked on lollipops. This is not a good thing
with a child who has hair that has grown down the middle of her back. Slobber goes
everywhere, sticky, gooey nastiness gets all over her face, hands, clothes and her hair.
Then she screams bloody murder for me to get it off her. I'm thinking that tonight when
she goes to bed some of that candy may mysteriously disappear.
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