I often come across strong, especially on certain topics. Recently I was discussing stay-at-home parents vs. two working parents and you would have though I had entered the lions den by their reactions to my opinions. LOL, of course I was being quite the bitch. This is something I feel very strongly about, if you have children, raise them don't pay someone else to do it for you, make them your first priority, not second or third. This is not the only thing I feel strongly about, I have strong views about spanking as well. I don't think any child should be hit or spanked, whatever you want to call it, hitting is hitting and shouldn't be acceptable. These are probably the touchiest subjects for me.

These are areas that are very touchy considering there are those around me that participate in these practices. V--- is a staunch pro-spanker and so is my sister, my sister also works and "farmed" both her kids out so she could pursue a career. Granted her hubby didn't make squat for money, but one of them could have stayed home. I have single friends who work but they have circumstances beyond their control.

Speaking of V---, she hasn't called me in days. I suppose she is on one of her fucking kicks like a few months ago, and I know part of it was because of last Saturday Night . She is well aware that my mom died he day after Mother's Day last year, in fact she was the first person I called when I found out. Do you think she bothered to call me on Mother's Day and say Happy Mother's Day to me? No, nor did she call me the anniversary of my mom's death. I was deeply hurt that someone I have been friends with half of my life, who I share most my life with could treat me in such a cold manner. It has really lead me to question our relationship and what kind of person she is. My birthday is Saturday and if she doesn't call me it's really going to piss me off and wound me. She knows how traumatic my last birthday was and I have always taken a special interest in getting her a nice gift and making her feel special on her birthday since it is near Christmas. I know she has PMS, it's right around that time of the month, but that is no excuse for shitty behavior or treating the only friend and best friend you have like a piece of dirt. She has always made comments about my ability to forgive, move on, and accept people for who they are, we often disagree yet she comments on how fiercely loyal I am. I guess she admires the qualities she lacks. Jeff always brings up her coldness and being snide as being the main contributing factor that she A)she hasn't has a long term relationship in almost 4 years B)after a few dates the guy feels like he is hitting his head against a wall and never sees her again and C) is not married. Sometimes I think he is right.

OH GOD this is starting to sound like angst journal isn't it? JK


After midnight.

We had Chinese food last night. Wild Child was not feeling well but she loves to eat chicken on a stick and eat those biscuits covered with powdered sugar. Before heading to our favorite Chinese restaurant we drove by the new house and they had put in the driveway and sidewalk.

The walls were painted inside and the cabinets and countertops had been delivered. I believe the house will be finished in a matter of weeks. Tomorrow I am going to take some new photos to add to the scrapbook. Wild child already knows the front room with the beautiful window is hers. It is going to make the perfect child's room. I believe I am going to paint the walls purple and sketch life size children and adults on the walls in bright colors. I'm trying to think of a perfect saying to add from a fable or children's book, but one has not come to me yet. I know I am going to paint a tree on the wall, possibly a large oak or redwood and use it as a growth chart. I really want her room to be enchanting.

I will miss the nursery here in our present house however. It holds so many beautiful memories. When we were remodeling I was six months pregnant. I would sit and day dream in that room for hours as the construction workers hammered away. One Saturday I pulled out my paint and brushes and decided to give the nursery character. The walls were already painted a sky blue, so I added clouds, big beautiful clouds with a mixture of white and gray and a soft pink. I stenciled stars around the ceiling in a metallic gold and a crescent moon. The room now had an open and airy feeling but it needed something else. I wanted something that would leap off the walls that said we are bringing a child into the world. So I decided to paint the largest image we have of what delivers a baby into the world, a STORK! It only took a few hours and before I knew it a five foot stork was flying over where our crib would be, with a large pink delivery in his mouth.

That room holds a lot of special memories for all of us. The nights I spent nursing her to sleep, the first time she was ever sick and we had to elevate the mattress in the crib, and when our cat, Barney, excepted her as part of the family and would sleep in the bed with her. I also cherish the moments that I had with my mother preparing that room, scrubbing the walls with bleach, pulling up the carpet to expose the beautiful hardwood floors, and setting up for the arrival of our new baby. Out of all the rooms in this house that I wish I could take with me it would be that one.

Soon Wild Child's room is going to become MsEm's room. There will be bright yellow furniture put where natural hard wood furniture sat. A twin bed will be where the baby bed is now, with a plaid comforter set and big fluffy stuffed animals will lay back on the pillows. In the corner will be a book case full of Barbies collected from the day she was born and on the wall where a hand sewn doll hung will be a picture of Tim, her dad. The stork will have been painted over, the walls may possibly be another color, and the clouds that danced on the walls will be no more.

I can't wait to build new memories in our new home, and hopefully get to design another nursery as well.


Currently I am:

Listening to Billy McLaughlin Out of Hand

Eating Nothing Drinking Water

Reading Holy Blood, Holy Grail - HTML 4.0

Tonight I cried as I watched Baby Jesse saved from the well, no matter who we are, where we have been lets be thankful the god/goddess for this miracle.

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