8.6.99
The last two days have been hectic. I finally got the computer hooked up to see that I have over 500 emails, I briefed through them, I am exhausted and I caught V---'s hotmail address. I paused, decided to skip over it and save it for last. Good thing I did. Her email was gut wrenching. she talked about being depresed, E---'s death, the funeral and that it had happened May 17, two days after what she did to me. He was in a terrible accident. She talked about the guilt and the grief and I couldn't help but cry as she bared her soul. Jeff walked in on me as I was in tears, I couldn't say anything. I was stunned, I was full of anguish, and I felt sorry for her. She talked about regrets and about how saying and doing things can lead to heart ache down the road. she wrote no apology, maybe it was under the surface, maybe it wasn't, but she was writing me, this long, gut wrenching letter that touched my heart. when i finished reading it. I could barely see the computer screen. I was feeling all kinds of emotions. I wanted to pick up the phone, I wanted to get in my car and drive to her house but instead I wrote her back. I let my heart guide my writing, I ignored the anger, the grief, the unforgiveness in my head, and I told her that I was sorry, sorry for waht she was going through, that I understood. sorry for what happen between us, and sorry for my part in the whole thing. I wrote her about having no regrets and making amends, and I told her that I still loved her as my family. Call me sick, call me a push over, call me to forgiving. I had to. I had to try to patch what was broken. I said I wouldn't do it, I still feel she should have apologizd to me, she hasn't and she may never apologize for what she did to me. I guess we'll see.
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