| This
morning Elizabeth and I went to the park. It was a beautiful cool day to start the Fall
season off. Hardly anyone was there and we had the freedom to run and climb all over the
equipment. The park we go to is really nice and is designed like a giant fort. On the
outside of the play area, there is a paved path for roller blading and strolling which is
really nice. Soon after we arrived other mothers arrived with their toddlers in tow. Most
the children that were playing were 2 and 3 years old, and I was thinking how I needed to
come to the park more often so Elizabeth can have more socialization. As we played I
noticed that *I was the only mother their not pregnant or carrying a second child. At
first I thought I was imagining it, but I wasn't. I found myself becoming jealous of these
other moms as I looked at their rounded bellies or newborns. It wasn't long before someone
asked "Is she an only child?" What's
funny is that I have never thought of Elizabeth as an only child even though she is. Maybe
it is because MsEm has played an active roll in our lives -- living with us and then
staying with us all last year. I've never even let the thought enter my mind that she
would be a only child. When this stranger asked me this question I soon was facing the
reality that Elizabeth WAS and could remain an only child. I felt like someone had
splashed water on my face bringing me back to reality.
INFERTILITY
When I was in college I never
dreamed that I would have to struggle to get pregnant. I always took for granted that I
would have children. The notion of being childless never entered my mind. Luckily after
three and a half years we had Elizabeth. I just thought "We did it once, we can do it
again." It's not happening. I have months of charts that indicate that I am not
ovulating. This morning I took my temperature and it still remained below the cover line.
I thought for a moment and thought "I still have a chance this cycle then." The
moment the thought ran across my mind I knew I was lying to myself. I realized today when
I was leaving the park how badly I want more children. I want another baby. I want
Elizabeth to have siblings. It's not that I am not happy with the child that I have. She
is the sun in my life that forever shines and she brings me more joy than I ever imagined.
I want to add to that joy, can you blame me for that?
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There was a terrible car
accident on the interstate today not far from where I live. I truck carrying cattle tipped
over and cows went everywhere. There were six different wrecks due to the cows. Some hit
other cars to avoid hitting the cows and then tow cars hit cows as they were dashing
across the interstate. I was watching the news and they kept showing footage of the cows
running all over the place while the sheriffs department chased them.
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I'm going to say something about
my brother-in-law, the one that is being cheated on. I really think he deserves the way
his wife treats him. He is a lazy fat ass who lies through his teeth. Jeff agreed to drive
him and my nephew home, a 8 hour trip one way this weekend. Jeff made it perfectly clear
that he and my nephew needed to be at our house on Friday evening (they are three hours
from here) so they could leave early Saturday morning. This altered our whole weekend. I
hardly see my husband as it is, plus he has studying to do, so it was a big deal to us
that Jeff drive him back home. Several events are taking place this weekend also, The
Greek Festival and the Home and Garden Show. Tonight Jeff's mom calls to tell us that they
will not be driving in until Saturday morning. She proceeded to tell us that his oldest
brother had told her that Jeff knew they were not coming until Saturday because he was
going to a highschool football game, which was a total and complete lie. So not only will
Jeff and I not get to see our nephew for very long this will basically put Jeff in a
bad situation with his school work. To say the least, we are both pissed. Jeff even said
that he should have expected this because his older brother always acted underhanded while
they were growing up.
I guess I have really never like
Jeff's older brother. He always talks bad about me and calls me a bitch behind my back to
Jeff. At times Jeff has even pulled that macho "I'm the man and I can be a dick"
attitude with me in front of him. Butthead, as we will call him, is lazy and acts like
Jeff's father minus being a drunk. I just have no use of him and no wonder his wife
doesn't either.
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