March 14, 1999


I can see parts of me in you

I absorb the things around me in twos

In the mirror there is sometime a monster

On some days there is an angel

At times I laugh at what I see

But also cry and wish that wasn't me


Right now I am happy. On Friday the loan officer called to tell me we were approved for our loan. Now I feel I can be excited about this house we are building. I drove by it several times this week, and this weekend took a look at the construction. The house is framed and becoming more and more a reality. In three months we will have a house all ours from the ground up. Tuesday I will go and pick out the brick, siding, roof, flooring, et. I am unsure of what kind of flooring will go in the foyer but everything else will be a breeze in picking out

V--- still has not called. I even called and left a message on her machine Friday about our loan approval and a side note about Wild Child. I'm thinking she is truly being a bitch and totally acting in away she despises. I've lost some respect for her that is for sure. Mr. Wonderful is equally baffled by her display. It was really depressing me on Saturday but today I feel better and feel like that she if is truly the friend I have believed her to be the past thirteen years then she will snap out of this.

On an interesting note I had a strange encounter with a weirdo at a local Walmart on Saturday. I had taken my friend E--- out to get lunch and talk about her life and she needed to get a key made so we ran into the Walmart. I had purchased a magazine and decided to wait for her up front while she had her key made. I was standing in front to of a bulletin board that has pictures of missing children on it, when this strange looking redneck approached me and started talking about missing persons. My brother was a missing person and his case was very high profile. I kinda ignored the guy but then he started talking about murders in our area and how bodies seem to be turning up everywhere. The conversation was turning in a direction I really didn't want to go down and I was wondering if I knew this guy. He kept touching my shoulder with his hand and nudging me like he knew me. It was very odd. I couldn't get a good look at him because he was wearing a painter's cap and sunglasses and he was wearing baggy clothes with a jacket. He proceeded to ask me if I had ever known a missing person before, and I promptly told him NO and he gave me this look and made a sigh like he knew I was lying. He proceeded to talk on and on about a recent murder in our area and how they body was found in a ditch in front of someone's home. I kinda let him ramble and then he made a comment about the place where my brother's body was found and he said it in a such a cynical way that I got chills up and down my spine. I know this guy knew me. I kept silent and he casually said goodbye and ran out to his car.

I was on the news a lot during the whole ordeal but that was three years ago. I do not look the same, and rarely do strangers come up to me in public and say anything to me about Tim and his disappearance. This guy must have known me from somewhere, and had no the circumstances surrounding my brother's disappearance. I would have chalked it up to a mere coincidence, but this guy said some very key things that were directly related to Tim's murder and disappearance. There is no telling what kind of weirdos lurk out there and yesterday I just happen to run into one of them.

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