Journey & Destination

July 3,1999 I really didn't have time to write an entry yesterday. I wanted too, because I had so much on my mind and so much was going on. Yesterday something horrible happened. My friend A--- called me hysterical, she was crying so bad, I couldn't even understand her. She called from home, which alarmed me because she works at a infertility clinic and Friday's are busy days. Finally she was talking where I could understand her and I couldn't believe my ears, she was miscarrying. My heart was breaking for her, I had an ache in the pit of my stomach, I was practically speechless.

On Monday her HCG numbers were indicating multiples (twins) and she and her husband were very excited. They told the whole family and their friends. Damn it, I felt powerless, I could not say anything or do anything to take away the pain. I have been there and I knew how she felt, so I listened. Thursday night she had been waken by severe cramping and she was spotting so she went into work and had her blood drawn to see what her HCG numbers were. The RE she works for sent her home to rest since she had had no sleep and that they would call her with her numbers. The numbers were suppose to be in the thousands but they were actually 100, indicating that the pregnancy was terminating.

Her birthday is Monday. How shitty! Every birthday from here on out she is going to remember that this was the weekend she lost her babies. Sometimes I hate fate. She kept telling me that she wanted to go ahead and start bleeding and get it over with because if she had not started by Tuesday the doctor recommended a D&C. I didn't blame her for not wanting her to have one, its a horrible experience. She asked if I knew anything that would help her go on and bleed so I pulled out my herb books and women's healing books, begging her to never tell that I know anything about herbal menstrual extraction. I kinda made her laugh when I told her I didn't want a cross burned on the front lawn of my new yuppie house for being a witch. So I gave her a few ideas and recipes and I am hoping that she is doing better today. I tried calling her but she is not answering the phone, I don't blame her one bit, I wouldn't either.


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