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July 1, 1999 One of the things I hate about menstruation is the wearing of feminine hygiene paraphernalia. I just have this idea that some man came up with the idea of wearing big bulky pads and tampons that swell up inside your vagina like a sponge. And this idea of the winged pad, what the hell??? Those things don't work. I mean is something going to take off and fly down there. I think not!

I used to wear a certain type of sanitary napkins that I really liked, but after I had Wild Child they discontinued them. I was like Elaine and the Sponge episode, I was going all over town trying to find this one kind of pad I liked, and I was only able to get a few packs. After a few normal cycles though they were gone and had to find something else. I don't use tampons at all, I despise them. I think the whole concept is stifling to women and our bodies. I've actually been thinking about switching to cloth pads. Not only would it save money, it would also help the environment. Of course I would use conventional pads when I would be out for long periods of time, but I am at home most the time with a sink, washing machine and bleach nearby.


Trying to get pregnant is starting to consume my thoughts. I really don't want to become too obsessed with the idea of getting pregnant. In the world of infertility I have met many couples who become totally obsessed with becoming pregnant that they do anything and everything no matter what the cost.(I know several marriages that were ruined over it)  Don't get me wrong, getting pregnant is important to me. I really would like to have another child, but its the child I really want. I want to parent another child, and I am trying to keep that as my focus.

I made a decision the last go around that I am only willing to go so far on the infertility roller coaster. I am willing to undergo testing and treatment to correct my cycles, I am willing to take medication to induce ovulation, and I am willing to do IUI. I'm not sure if I would do IVF or not. If I was to go that far I would hire a gestational surrogate with a better uterus than mine. I've also got a time limit on how long I'll keep trying. Luckily I have time, I'm 25. I don't have this giant clock ticking down to menopause.

Adoption is definitely an option for us. We have talked about it a good deal, and I have already read several books on the subject. Even if we do have another baby that is our biologically, we will still probably adopt or become foster parents. I love being a parent, even though some days I feel a little worn out by it all.


I feel old. Who would have thought that at 25 I would be motherless, an aunt five times over, married SIX years with one child, and having infertility problems. Its funny I was looking through some old highschool stuff the other day and came across a paper I did for Family Living class, titled "Where I will be in ten years". Its amazing how accurate it was. Its been only nine years since I  wrote the paper but I thought I'd share some of the predictions I made.

The Paper                                                         Real Life

Married                                                            Married

One child                                                         One child

Stay at home mom                                          Stay at home mom

Writing                                                             Hey I got this journal

Buying a house                                               Building a house

Have the same friends                                   Very accurate

There were a few more, but I thought these were the more accurate ones. A few predictions I made that were inaccurate: I'd be involved in a ministry, I would have one short story published, that my mother would be here and my brother, and that I would not be living in my home town.

Back to Journey and Destination




Listening to Tori Amos, Under the Pink Album. .
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