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July 9, 1999 Over the last few days I have received letters that proselytize. If you are not quite sure what I mean, here is the definition of proselytize: to induce someone to convert to one's faith. I know that these letters are written with good intention and that the writers feel that they need to save my soul, prevent me from joining a cult, and that I am just a lost soul heading to the wrong destination, but they do nothing to convince me that I am on the wrong track in my spiritual walk. So I'm going to give a little spill on me and my beliefs. If you feel after reading them that you can not read anymore because you will be up nights worrying about the destination of my soul, I completely understand.

I am 25 years old. I was raised Baptist until I was 11 or 12 and then my parents moved onto Assembly of God and non-denominational churches. I went to private Christian schools, one independent Methodist, and the other Church of Christ. I believed I was saved when I was nine years old after hearing a fire and brimstone sermon about going to hell and that the end of the world was at hand. I was never baptized because of my fear of drowning.

I was completely dedicated to the Christian faith. I studied the scriptures, read books, prayed and thought the universe revolved around the one true God. However since I was 12, I began to question the contradictions in scripture, the sexism, the wrath of God, and the bigotry. Whenever I asked questions I was basically told that we were superior (Christians) and that we needed to separate ourselves from the world and that the demon of humanism had attached himself to me.

A few people have written to say that the devil has put doubt in my mind and that my faith is falling because my mother died of cancer last May instead of being healed. This is not entirely true, I had doubts before my mother died. I was questioning and studying before, but it was even more intensified afterwards. Her death just allowed me to re-evaluate who I am, and my spiritual walk.

I can not believe in a God that allows so much suffering, physically and emotionally. Day after day last April and May I walked the halls of MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston and saw small children in severe pain from surgeries and chemo treatments. Young men and women, my own age struggling to live as this disease consumed their bodies. Mothers, daughters, sons, and fathers lined outside of clinics waiting for some doctor to tell them their fates, and there I was with my mother who was eaten up with a terminal cancer, there just to buy time. I felt guilty that I was healthy. I would sometimes sneak into the chapel of the hospital begging that if there really was a God to save all of these peoples from their pain. A few weeks later my mother's pain was over, not the way I would have planned but at least she is in peace somewhere.

I did not reject the Judeo-Christian God because of my mother's death, I rejected it because I find that it has no truth for me.

I want my Christian readers to know that I have studied the Bible extensively, and that I made a conscious decision to reject it. I do not believe the Bible to be inerrant, I do not believe it was God breathed, and nor do I believe that it is this wonderful book that my morality should be based on. I do however feel the Bible is a wonderful resource of history, mythology, and it offers people hope. I read the Bible still to this day, I just don't regard it as a prime directive from God.

I do not believe God is male. In Genesis the word Elohim was the Hebrew word used to define who God is. This word means that he is neither male or female, but spirit. I do believe in the Spirit(s).  I believe that their are deities, not one true God, but I believe that this spirit identity is within ourselves. I am a spiritual being living in a human body and that I have the control in my life and the energy to make things happen or not happen. I identify with the Goddess, because I AM a goddess in my own right. I rely on the past, but not just my own but the ones before me, to guide me on my own journey. I never felt at home with Christianity and the patriarchy, I feel at home now.

I'm still growing and becoming and I am interested in the pagan lifestyle and mindset. I understand by the Christian standard that because I have denied the deity of Jesus, the Bible and its teachings, and have turned against the Judeo-Christian God that I will be judged and cast into hell if it is indeed truth. No amount of condemnation for my beliefs or proselytizing is going to change me, I finally feel at peace with my beliefs. Please respect this portion of my life.

Now if I could just pass this link out to all my preachy friends and family members. Not.


Back to Journey and Destination



The Church of Kim - Where no one goes to hell!

1. The church of Kim does not believe in hell. We have two ideas about what happens to you when you die, you're either dead or your spirit moves on to something else -- either reincarnation here on earth or you get to go live where all the other gods and goddess' live.

2. The church of Kim believes in karma. You reap what you sow.

3. You have the power to create your own heaven or hell on earth. Exception: Your childhood, you have no control if you were born to fucked up parents. You do however as an adult have the power to move forward and make your life better.

4. The church of Kim excepts you for who you are; race, color, sex, or sexual preference is not a concern with us.

5. You do not have to tithe. The church of Kim does not except donations. The church does however encourage even the poor to give something to others, even if its time. Remember you reap what you sow!

6. The church of Kim does not stuff the beliefs of the church down others throats.

If you would like to be apart of the church of Kim, no need to sign up or send in a donation, just take the church of Kim, remove my name and add yours.








Listening to Annie Lennox.
A detective called this morning and my little vandals have done this before. Our builder is pressing charges, and the kids are going to have to visit the youth center after all.
Plans for the day include cleaning up the office, putting an ad in the paper to sell some furniture, and doing laundry.
If I get 90 subscribers to the notify list I'm going to do back flips naked in the front yard of the new house, don't you want to be a part of that?