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July 14, 1999 I hate being fat, overweight, whatever, I just hate it.

Last night as I was getting ready to go to bed I realized I had gained all the weight I had lost after I had the baby. The first year after she was born I lost almost fifty pounds, then my mom died and this past year I have gradually put it back on. I've tried every diet there is, I either fail or the weight doesn't come off. Who can live on grapefruit for weeks? I even tried the WeighDown diet by the christian woman. Still no weight loss.

I don't eat all that much and I eat pretty well, I just don't exercise. The doctor keeps telling me either get on the thyroid medication or exercise till I drop. These are two things I don't want to do. I used to work out twice a day in the old days, and I was in excellent shape but I hated it. Did I mention that my friend Kathy is a personal trainer? She is always offering to help me out but I just don't feel up to it. I'm sure its because she is older than me, in great shape after TWO kids, and I will poop out after walking a mile. Embarrassment is what it's called.

I have the fitting for my bridesmaid dress in six weeks. I would love to tone up and lose a few pounds before my fitting. I need motivation, I need will power, I need a torch lit up under my ass. I'm thinking of pulling the Richard Simmons thing out again, and sweating to the oldies, taking those vitamins that make you sweat and feel like you are on a high.

Last night I was laying in bed, thinking about the weight, thinking about the wedding and the Disney Trip and wondering if I should just drop trying to get pregnant until the begining of next year. Decisions, decisions. I can still have the infertility workup done after this cycle, but I can just sit on it and try to lose some weight and get in better shape. After the Disney Trip in November we could start trying again.  I know I need to start walking and get some stamina before going to Orlando. Hmmmm, a motivator perhaps.

Back to Journey and Destination

 

Listening to Indigo Girls, Swamp Ophelia.
Update: My friend confronted her mother who swears it only happen that once and that Rick just happen to walk in on that one time. Her mothr gave her this spill about how it hurt and that she did it out of depseration. Kathy doesn't know if she believes her or not, but her and Rick have decided not to leave the baby alone with the Grandmother. I asked if they were going to go ahead and move and she told me no, that they couldn't afford it. Sometimes people put the value of money over the value of what is decent and right.
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