He asked me all over again

September 20,1999

While we were visiting Jeff's family this past week, he brought up something I have been wanting to do for a long time now. Jeff told me that he wanted us to renew our wedding vows. I have been wanting to do this for a long time. Mainly because I personally believe we had no idea what we were getting into the day we said I do, nor did we fully understand the commitment. We both married for many reasons, and many of them had nothing to do with love or spending the rest of our lives together. Now we know how deep our love is and how loyal and devoted we are to each other.

I know that when I said our vows I didn't really mean them. I was marrying in the "right now" and not the long term. I wanted to be with the "right" man, found him and didn't want to take any chance in losing him, so decided to marry him as soon as I could. I had loved and lost and I didn't want to think with my  heart, only my head. I don't know if I married for the wrong reasons, but I didn't get married because I was gushing with romantic love and idealistic thoughts of marriage. Jeff married me because he was in love and knew I was the right girl, at least that what he says. I think he married me because the sex was so good.

I was drunk the day we said our vows. I had started my period the night before and I had terrible cramps so I took several pain killers on an empty stomach and then started drinking a bottle of wine. The day is a blur to me. Thank goodness we have a video.

Jeff wants us to do it right the next time. He wants us to take our vows and mean them. We discussed writing our own. We also are not going to have a traditional minister or a justice of the peace perform the ceremony. We were thinking more on the lines of someone who practiced an eastern religion or a hand-fasting ceremony. I'm going to do a little research on different type of marriage ceremonies for us to discuss. We both want it to be outside, and we may not even do it on our anniversary. Jeff says when he marries me all over again he wants it to be really special. Maybe he is a romantic after all.

Tapping into my thoughts

I dug out my micro-cassette recorder this morning. I'm going to start carrying it with me everywhere because I often think of something I am going to write and then forget when I actually sit down to do it. Many times this happens to me when I am driving, especially on pottery nights. Jeff and I talked about writing a book together and the other night he thought of a great opening and neither one of us was able to write it down because we were in our car. I hope non of you think this is lame. I'm hoping this will help improve my writing skills and attract more readers in the long run.

I've been giving some thought to the journal and how it can be improved. I was thinking of changing the name but have decided that for now to leave it as it is. I am looking to redesign my journal however. I'm wanting something more eclectic but I have exactly figured out what I want either. You can say I am very indecisive.

I had a doctors appointment this afternoon, but I canceled it because I feel like I am fixing to start any minute now and one of my cousins died and I have to go to the wake. I didn't reschedule the appointment either. As soon as I start I am going to call the Ob/Gyn (I choose a new one) and make an appointment. This will be the first time I have ever seen a male OB/GYN, but he is a proponent of natural childbirth and little intervention so I decided to use him. I met him this summer, when my friend Stacy had her pregnancy scare and I also liked his staff. I'm going to take my last six months of fertility charts too. Since they are showing no ovulation, I'm sure clomid will be prescribed.

I've been doing some research on clomid and the extra risk of ovarian cancer scares me. My grandmother died of ovarian cancer and I don't know if I want to take the risk. Of course some articles I have read say that its inconclusive whether or not it actually causes ovarian cancer. I have read several articles on the incident of multiples too. Twins really do not bother me at all,nor do triplets. I have read that the percentage of people on clomid get pregnant with twins is 3% above the normal 1%, but today read an article that was more recent that said 8%. The ratio given was that 8 in every 100 births resulted in twins. Luckily clomid is relatively cheap. I have looked at several online pharmacy prices and the generic was only $15 and the non-generic was $33. I wonder if there is a difference between the generic and the non-generic brands. I'm going to call Andra and ask her since she works for the RE. Anyway, if I do have to take clomid, I am going to order online. For one a lot of the pharmacies offer incentives to use them. Several offer $10 and $15 coupons off your first prescription. Jeff would really get a kick out of us getting free or nearly free fertility drugs.

Arts and Crafts

I love fall and I usually have a huge Halloween party to celebrate the falling leaves and cooling temperatures. This year I have decided to have a small party, inviting my new neighbors and their children.I always cook chili for Halloween and it has become a family tradition. This year I am starting a new tradition with Wild Child. We are making fall hats to wear to all the art shows and outside events we have planned for the next eight weeks. The hat is really cute and has a big rim that displays a ring of fall leaves and various fruits and vegetables of the season with orange ribbon streaming down the back. She really loves wearing it.

I also got back to scrapbooking. I started scrapbooking when Jeff and I were dating. When we had Wild Child someone gave me a Creative Memories scrapbook and paid for me to attend some of the classes. I really enjoyed and kept it current until my mother died. After we moved to the new house I found out Mrs. Beater was really into scrapbooking and was even thinking about opening her own shop. She also is a consultant for Creative Memories so I spent some time buying papers, stickers, templates and a circle cutter from her. For four days I worked on Wild Child's scrapbook and caught it up until March. I even let her help decorate the pages.

This week, I'm going to go buy the paint for the guest bath and Wild Child's room and hopefully get them completed. The bathroom is a fish theme and I am painting it midnight blue before putting up the border. Wild Child's room is going to be painted a light yellow and I am going to paint jungle animals on the wall. Hopefully I will have a new camera soon (mine broke) and will be able to take some pictures of the house to show all of you.

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