Under The Moon
"Where the sun no longer shines on my face..."
Last January, as I struggled with my spirituality and my role as a woman I decided to get back to something I loved and long to do, write, the only thing I lacked was a forum to do this in. I had kept hand written journals or diaries before, but as my life moved on and I got more entangled into the rut that life often can bestow upon us, I left my writing behind. I was looking for a way to express myself, who I was and my opinions so I got this clever idea to start a journal and put it online. I thought my idea was original. I now laugh at how naive I was.
I remember going to Geocities and signing up for free web space, not knowing the first thing about web pages or design. And it was there that Journey and Destination was born. I didn't start writing entries write away because I was still trying to figure out how Geocities website builder worked. One night while doing some research on fertility awareness and herbal abortion I came across Skatter's Diary. I was totally engrossed in her journal, not because of the writing but because she had taken that step to make her life public. Little did I know that there were 1300 other online diarists online. My curious nature sent me on a search for more and so I pushed random on the Open Pages webring and landed at Tess's Perplexity and Redemption. Talk about complete and total fascination.
I believe it was January 28th, in fact I'm pretty sure of it. I sat for four hours and read Perplexity and Redemption. I cried, I laughed and I felt totally connected to a total stranger. I went back to the archives and read Under The Pink from the beginning. I saw an artist, a woman, and a mother develop her writing over months of entries, expressing herself and placing herself in a forum that can often lead to criticism and praise. I heard her voice, or at least I want to think I did. I wanted to have that voice too, I wanted to have that same effect on a reader, and I wanted to be heard and understood.
It was at that time I made the final decisions to make my life public, I was going to have my own words, thoughts and emotions in black and white on the web. My only goal wasn't to be heard but to also develop writing skills and learn how to better express myself. I hope that in some small way I am doing that, and in the process realizing more and more about myself.