December 3, 1999

Reading: Skimming the pages of my fertility awareness books.

Listening: Christmas Music

Watching: Nothing

Eating: Nothing

Drinking: Milk

Gratitude for today:

I'm thankful that I'm caught up on all my entries.

I'm thankful that I had wonderful sex yesterday afternoon.

I'm thankful I lost 12lbs.

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I've been debating on whether or not I should put this in my journal but I have to be true to myself and to my readers and so I'm going to share my hopes and doubts with you about something dear to me.

While I was at the "happiest place on earth" I ovulated. We baby danced, which was not the most intimate moments Jeff and I have had together. We had the water going in the shower and the water running in the sink while we did it, and we could here the eight other occupants of our rental home running around and talking right outside our room. Its a little comical now that I think back to it. While I was there I didn't take my BBT because I didn't want that to be hanging over my head whie I was there but I started up again on Monday and things look promising. Well until today that is.

My temp has been above the cover line and rising until this morning when for some reason it bottomed out. I was in a frantic thinking I would start my period and that out of all my other problems, annovulatory and bicornate uterus, that I was now having luteal phase problems. I pulled out my handy dandy fertilty bible, Taking Charge of Your Fertility, and began to read through the Achieving Pregnancy section that said this "if after the peak day your BBT drops signifacantly, this could be from a second surge of estrogen being released into the bottom. This can result in a lower BBT and creamy cervical fluid." So, I'm hoping that this is what happened but I won't know until tomorrow. I tried to remember if this had ever happened before but after six years of charting you tend to forget some things.

I'm feeling great though and really hoping that I got pregnant.The last cycle I actually ovulated or that I think I ovulated according to my BBT charts, would have been April. My breast are huge, I've been terribly exhausted and feeling light headed and peeing like a race horse. All of this could be PMS but I'm trying to stay positive. It would really be a wonderful Christmas this year if I could be expecting another baby. I really don't want to start fertility treatment, I'm very hesitant about the whole thing but if I'm not pregnant and start my period I will be making an appointment with the new RE.


Tomorrow I am going the SPCA Holiday Pet Adoption. I went by tonight to look at some of the cats, and I saw one I really liked. He was solid black and was very frisky. His purr was like a roar when I petted him but for some reason I knew he was not the cat for me. I'm actually not sure if I want another cat right now but I feel my house is empty without one or two and it totally depressed me. So tomorrow afternoon I will be going back to check out all of the kittens and cats, and maybe I'll come home with something, just not sure if I'm ready to take that step yet.

Today I was going to take Calli, the remaining hell on earth cat, to the vet to have her tested for feline leukemia even though she has been vaccinated before, but she was no where to be found. I know that two different families have been feeding her so now I'm wondering if they just decided to take her, which would be fine with me except the cat was entrusted to me by one fo my best friends. Hopefully the cat will reapper, but who knows. The luck I am having with pets is really aweful right now.