December 6, 1999    Failure

Another cycle has passed, and I have failed again at concieving a child. I knew when I took my temp this morning and saw the sudden one degre drop that it was over, then after moving about in the day I finally got confirmation and the bleeding began. Jeff stayed home today with asthma problems so while I was doing my morning routine I casually  told him "I started." I think it took him a moment and then I saw the disappointment on his face but he played it off as well. Not too much was said for the rest of the morning. I went about doing my mornign chores and began my Christmas baking.

While my cheese straws cooked in the oven I reviewed the last year of charts, and redid them nice and neat for when I go to the RE after the first of the year. I had a total of six periods this year. SIX. A normal woman has 13 lunar cycles, but not me. I ovulated three times. THREE TIMES. My charts are all nice and neat now, in a folder, and readable by someone other than me. To me they say failure.

My sister came for lunch today and I told her and she reminded me that I might be able tog et one more cylce in before I go to see the RE. Why should I even try? I ask myself, but I know I will. I'll keep charting and if by some off chance I ovulate again we will try to get pregnant.

There are two more pregnant people in the neighborhood. One woman that is expecting was told she could not ever have another child (she and her husband have one) due to ovarian cancer. She had one ovary removed, and the other one was damaged due to cancer treatment, but by some miracle she is now expecting. I am happy for them, and it leads me to believe there really is something in the water here in the neighborhood. I keep drinking it, but its not working for me.

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