May 18, 1999

I always bounce back. I always come back stronger more determined and fiercer. Nothing keeps me down for long.

The last two days have had to be from above. On Monday I decided to get over my pity party, clean house and get prepared to move in to our new home. I made orange juice, wrote a list of things to do, and got busy. Luckily I received a very large check in the mail and I was able to pay off the rest of this months bills and put some aside to buy Wild Child's first "big girl" bed and a breakfast table at a local antique shop I've been keeping my eye on.

After Jeff got home yesterday we got wonderful news, he has a summer school position and he was offered a job at a magnet school. We were so surprised but thrilled over the idea of him actually getting to teach instead of police. He is excited and he deserves this. He has taught in a inner city school(s) for four years now and has proved that he can make a difference and now he gets to use his talent at a math and science school. It will be about a forty-five minute drive from our new house something he doesn't mind at all.

After dinner we went by to see how the house was coming along. It is so beautiful. It was painted last week and the cabinets were put in along with the counter tops. The outside is complete. Even the sidewalk and driveway has been put in. The house is ahead of schedule and we are looking to close at the end of June. We already have met several of the neighbors. The couple behind us I know from high school and the couple next to us we met through mutual friends. Another friend of mine is building down the street and is actually building the same exact floor plan as ours. The front of her house will look different and it will be a mirror image to what our house looks like so it should not look like an exact replica. It is going to be nice living in a neighborhood with people around our same age that are having families. My friend A---, the one who is building down the street, is trying to have a baby too.

Today was equally as good. I mailed off the rest of the bills and headed of to the furniture stores with Wild Child in tow. Wild Child loves to go to furniture stores. She loves to climb into chairs and pounce on sofas and look at all the nick knacks. I am amazed what salespeople will let kids get away with just to get a sale. I looked at a nice twin bed for Wild Child and a living room suite for the new house. I couldn't find anything for the living room but I did go ahead and purchase the bed for Wild Child. Jeff will go pick it up this weekend. After buying the bed Wild Child I ventured to the Antique mall to see if the breakfast table I wanted was still there. It was. Luckily the lady that owned that booth was there today and I was able to ask her about the table. I found it is mahogany and comes with two leaves. The table is for a formal dining room, with intricate design on the chairs and base of the table. There are six upholstered chairs plus the table that is at least 80+ years old. It has a lot of character with its nicks and scratches and looks as if it will hold up well. While I was there the seller pointed out that she still had the buffet. It is in excellent condition and she is asking $395 for it. The buffet is a beautiful piece of furniture but it would not fit in the kitchen, though it would however fit in the formal dining area in front of that glorious window. Jeff said that if I really wanted it to go ahead and purchase it. We have the money but I was thinking of using it to upgrade to a different sink. So, after much debate I am going to go back and see if the lady will take less for the buffet. I'm shooting for under $300, but I'll probably buy it anyway. I already have it in my minds eye the way it will look in front of that window.

I have felt very happy and relieved the last two days. I was devastated on Saturday after the ending of my relationship with V-- but after much soul searching and meditation I realized that she was not the person I thought she was, not the person I respected and believed in. At times her friendship was like a life line, a crutch almost and at other times it was like an anchor weighing me down. I have felt no urge to call her, make amends with her, or even write her. I do forgive her, and I also forgive myself for not seeing this coming. I hope V--- has the peace I feel right now, I know I have no real regrets.

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