January 3, 2000
The Church of Kim

Since the new year began I have felt a little relieved that we are all still here with our lives intact no matter how crazy or confusing they may get. Though I have tried to leave the religious fanaticism behind, it is still a part of who I am and what I have begun. Growing up I was told that I would never see the millenium because Jesus was coming back and the apocalypse would be upon the entire earth, that is if I was truly saved. We were taught in school that we shouldn't concern ourselves with the environment because we would be raptured to a perfect place and that our mission in life would be to serve god and lead as many people as possible to our cause. I grew up in a lot of fear and it still echoes in my life today.

When the clock struck midnight I wasn't worried about the Y2K bug, I was concerned with being left behind should the rapture take place. Even though I have moved on from Christianity I still have the teachings and the fear embedded into who I am forever, and I often wonder how I will ever escape it. According to most of the TV evangelist and the local charismatic churches the end times are here and that even though they can not give an accurate time or date, they are predicting that the apocalypse and rapture will take place before or during 2003. I guess I have another three to four years to go before I finally shake these demons that have come to bother me in adulthood.

Baby Dancing

Trying to have another baby the old fashioned way is coming to a close. My cycle this past month has been totally bizarre, and for once in my life I am actually tired of having sex. As soon as I start my period I will be making an appointment with the RE and go from there. I talked to my friend Andra who is a RN at a local RE's office and she feels confident that my problem can be easily resolved. I hope she is being honest with me and not just telling me what I want to hear. Also it looks like my insurance will pay for most of my treatment and most of the meds I am willing to do. I've been really depressed and stressed over this whole thing and it is starting to really get to me. Some insensitive baboon told me the other day I should just be happy with what I got, meaning Elizabeth, and I AM HAPPY that I have her and that she is healthy and beautiful but that does not diminish my desire to have another child.

Random Ramblings About My Life

I'm beginning to work on my new years resolutions. This week I will be going to pay off my library dues and on Sunday I began to learn how to crochet. Stacy is going to start to think I'm a total idiot because she had to show me a hundred times just on how to do a chain and then tonight I drove over there because I couldn't figure out how to do a single row.

Mrs. Cool's baby is in the hospital for RSV. I really hate that too. The kid has been in day care for four weeks now and he has been sick out of three weeks with a cold, congestion, etc. Another reason to not put a baby in daycare, they get sick all the damn time.

I would like to thank all the AOL and WebTv viewers for visiting and reading my site as of late. Why not join the notify list and get updates and more ramblings from me? Please!!!

I'm working on a new design for this site but nothing is working for me so far. I really like Stasi new design, a lot! Where does she come up with those great ideas?


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Reading: Mother of Pearl by Melinda Haynes

Eating: Nothing

Drinking: Milk

Listening: Tori Amos, To Venus and Back