Tonight I had a small party at my house for my friend Kathy. She is a
Tupperware consultant and she needed to use my house for her open house. Some wonderful
people came and I was really glad to meet them.
First their was Edith and her
son Philip. He and Elizabeth played wonderfully together and as we talked I realized that
she and I had a lot in common and had similar philosophies on child rearing. We chatted
most of the night and decided to set up a play date for the near future.
Another group of ladies and I
began to talk as the party came to a close. They were asking me about staying at home with
my daughter and what kind of hobbies I had. I started rambling about my writing and told
them about my online journal. They were intrigued with the idea and found it very
interesting that I would post my life in such a public forum. As we talked they asked
about my family and I mentioned my brother being killed in the downtown area of our city.
One of the ladies piped up that they remembered seeing me on TV and that my mother and I
were on the front page of the Metro section. I was then asked several questions on what
was happening with his case and the investigation and also about my mom. I was as honest
as I could be about the status of the investigation and then told them about my mother
dying last year of cancer. One lady, totally fascinated with my life story, asked
"How do you cope?"
It's not like I haven't been
asked this before. Sometimes I feel that when the person asks me a question like this they
are expecting me to give some answer like my faith in God just to reaffirm their own
beliefs in a higher being. I've often felt compelled to lie and give such an answer.
Sometimes people ask questions just to get a response they want to hear but tonight I
stayed true to myself and gave the most honest answer I could. I told the woman that I
wasn't a very religious person but that I did believe we were spiritual beings and that if
I decide to wallow in self pity and live my life in the past that I could never grow as a
human being. I told her how important my writing was and the need to express myself. She
commented on how much she admired me for my strength and my ability to go on and I thanked
her, but I do not feel I should be admired for learning and growing with life's hurdles.
I am often amazed that I am
still sane and not have fallen off the deep end. I'm just trying to find a rhyme or reason
for why things have happened and how I can learn from them. So far I have just come to the
conclusion that "shit happens" and we just have to find the lesson in all of it
and try to find something positive out of a negative situation. I have to admit though
that I was a little flattered by the compliment.
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