||It's been two and a
half days since Barney left us. I called the SPCA and the lady told me not to give up hope
yet. She said that it is very possible he will find his way back home. I felt comforted by
her words. She also doubted that he had been killed by a dog, which was one of my worries
or that he had been hit by a car. She told me to give it a week, so for the next five days
I will be passing out flyers and walking the neighborhoods yelling his name. I hope she is
right, I hope he comes home. I also talked about getting another cat, not to replace him,
he can never be replaced but to give the evil cat a playmate and to help Elizabeth with
the loss of Barney.
Today was the first
day she noticed that he was gone and she acted very depressed. I was honest with her. I
cannot lie to my child. When I was her age my mother took my dog to the pound because she
was getting a divorce and she was unable to take care of him. She lied to me and told me
that he ran away. It wasn't until years later that I found out the truth and it hurt.
Jeff's father was like that too. He would bring home puppies for them to love and then he
would get annoyed with them and go dump them out into the woods or shoot them.
I thought about praying to god for Barney's
safe return home, more like begging than praying but I didn't. Why should I have any faith
that god will restore my pet back to me when he allowed my brother to be murdered and my
mother to die of cancer? This is why I have no faith in the judeo-christian god. If god
doesn't answer prayer concerning people in our lives, he's truly not going to do it for
what the bible deems a soulless creature. I'll just have to trust that Mother Earth is
providing Barney with food and shelter and that if he doesn't come home that he has at
least found a nice family to reside with. I'm hoping that someone will at least put an ad
in the newspaper. "Found" ads are free so someone would have no reason not too
unless they wanted to keep him.
I know some of you are probably wondering why
I am so attached to this cat and why he means so much to me.
The first year of mine and Jeff's marriage
was a living hell. He had a very violent temper and after being threatened several times
and a vacuum cleaner thrown at me (he missed) I was ready to call it quits. Sperm donor
father hit my mother and there was no way I was going to tolerate being hit by a man, much
less my husband, so I gave him an ultimatum: either I leave or we get help. A few days
later we went to our first counseling session at Catholic Social Services. Jeff also began
therapy on his own and went to an anger management classes weekly. When we started
counseling we told our therapist, Tony, that we were on the verge of ending the marriage,
we lacked stability and argued all the time but he told us that if we loved each other and
were committed to making it work it would. So weeks into counseling we began to notice
this gray cat that slept at Jesus' feet. (a large statue out front) He was scrawny but
friendly and everyone brought him treats to eat or gave him bits of their lunch. One night
Jeff came home from anger management class with the gray cat. I was shocked because Jeff
never cared too much for cats. He told me this story about how the cat followed him to the
car and when he opened the door the cat just jumped in and sat in the passenger seat so he
figured he would bring home. So we named him Barney, after Barney Fife because he was so
scrawny and skinny. For the next nine months of counseling we joked that we couldn't get
divorced because it would break up our family and who would get custody of Barney. And
Barney was a wonderful pet. He would scratch at the door to go out and use the bathroom,
everyday right about the time Jeff would come home he would sit at the front door and wait
for him. He slept with us, and whenever we were upset he would come sit with us and nuzzle
our arms. I've always said that cat saved our marriage, our guardian angel sent our way to
guide us on a troubled path. Barney has been there through all the bad times -- my
brother's murder and my mother's death/ I've shared more with Barney than any human being
about how I feel and my grief. He's also been there for all the good times too, especially
the birth of Elizabeth. We thought he would be jealous but he wasn't and they instantly
became best friends. I can't imagine life without him, can you see why?
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