February 1999



Today is my brother's 22nd birthday. Another birthday he will not get to celebrate, at least here on this earth. He has been dead almost three years. I'm still in denial that he is gone. I still feel he is here. I can still feel his laugh, smell his sent, and at times I swear I can even see him and hear his voice. To lose my only blood sibling, a person I grew up with shared hardships and love, I feel like I have been left alone. Now that my mom is gone, my once nuclear family is gone, and I am alone. That is a realization I am having problems coming to terms with.

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Sometimes I have a real problem saying no and it gets me into trouble, the kind of trouble that gets Mr. Wonderful pissed off at me. A friend of mine is moving back into town and to give her a break on the expenses I offered my guest room to her, this is my friend E----- I mentioned earlier. Well, Hubby wasn't happy that I didn't ask him first to say the least. He wasn't really pissed that she was coming to stay but that I didn't ask. I guess I will be kissing his ass the next couple of days.

She on the other and her son kind of gotten on my nerves. He talks incessantly and I am used to my peaceful surroundings come 8o'clock when small children should be in bed. He is quite adorable and a face that you instantly fall in love with but the way my nerves have been I need that quiet time and the down time from the days events. She has also made quite a few long distance phone calls, that she promises to pay for. Hopefully the charges will not show up until next months bill, giving more of an opportunity to collect. This may sound like I'm not being generous but it kind of bothered me that she really didn't ask until about her fifth call. She also tied up my phone line all afternoon and evening hours. I thought I had obsessions but she takes the cake. So for now I have a house guest, who I am happy to see, yet I am uneasy with her presence.


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