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April 8, 1999 I've been feeling sad, depressed even. I ate a huge bowl of ice cream during ER while my husband rubbed my bank. Sometimes this just happens. I often wonder if it has something to do with my inability to fully cope with the death of my mother and brother. I also have been wanting to have another child. Maybe it is because I feel a void and I need something to fill the hole that has been left in my heart. A few of my friends are expecting babies this month actually, and I feel left out. When I was pregnant with wild child I had a few friends who were pregnant as well. It was like a club, now they are having second children(or third) and I still have my one. I call this the "baby crave". I think most women experience this at one time or another. The smell of baby powder, the soft tiny little clothes they wear, the scent of a newborn baby make my ovaries and uterus just scream PREGNANT, BABIES. Even when I see moms nursing their little ones, I can almost feel the suckle and the fullness of my breasts. My husband on the other hand does not feel the same way. He is focused on getting his graduate degree and finding a new job, after that he says we can begin focusing on adding an addition to our family. The other night on 20/20 there was a woman who had a baby by her deceased husband, the sperm had been extracted from him thirty hours after he had died. I thought the story was amazing, and this woman still seemed to be in love with her husband even though he had been gone four years. I asked Mr. Wonderful if he would freeze some sperm for me, in case he died and I wanted to have more children. I believe he thought I was joking but I was not. I was serious. If something happened to him I probably would not marry again, but that does not mean I wouldn't want more children. I'm betting this is a very controversial subject, and even some family members would think it was sick. |